How and Why to Add Pronouns to Your Email Signature

I wrote this article as part of my company’s new DEI initiative, to submit to our employee blog space. I was asked to write one about pronouns. Here it is for your education as well.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

You may have noticed some of your colleagues have put their pronouns in their email signatures or Zoom display names. Perhaps you are wondering why they did that, and if you should too? I’d like to share a few definitions first:

Assigned Female at Birth/Assigned Male at Birth (AFAB/AMAB): Describes the biological sex a person was assigned at birth, based on external sex characteristics. This may or may not match the person’s gender.

Gender (Gender identity): A person’s concept of self as a man, woman, both, or neither. A person’s gender can be the same or different from their sex assigned at birth

Transgender (shortened to “trans”): Describes people whose gender is different from the sex they were assigned at birth.

Cisgender (shortened to “cis”): A person whose gender is the same as the sex assigned to them at birth.

Pronouns are simply a tool for communicating. A way to avoid having to repeat a person’s name over and over in one sentence. They can also signify something extremely personal, our gender identity. The idea behind sharing pronouns is to normalize the idea that you can’t tell a person’s gender from looking at them. We shouldn’t make assumptions based on anyone’s clothing, hairstyle, or body type. This is true whether you think you’ve accurately guessed a person’s pronouns or whether you have no idea what their pronouns may be.

Acknowledging and using someone’s correct pronouns is simply about respect. Respect for the way someone wants to be perceived and referred to as. You wouldn’t repeatedly call someone by their maiden name after marriage, would you? Or refuse to call your friend “Tom” because you know his legal name is actually “Thomas”? Then you should not use a different pronoun for a person after you know the correct one.

We all make assumptions about pronouns and gender based on clothing or hair or body shape, which is something we should try to stop doing. Society is evolving, and respecting people’s pronouns and not assuming gender is a necessary step in the right direction.

Another important facet of this conversation about pronouns is to remember how it feels to be misgendered. Multiple studies, as well as personal accounts from trans people, show that being misgendered causes psychological stress. A quote from this article: “…It’s like being slapped on the cheek” (please check out that whole article, it explains this better than I ever could). For those of us who are cisgender, it’s still important to share our pronouns. It should not be up to trans people to be the only ones who must announce their pronouns to the world. If only trans people were to share their pronouns, that would immediately “out” them as trans and unfortunately in some situations put them at risk of discrimination or physical harm.

I am a cisgender woman- meaning I was assigned female at birth, was raised as a girl, identify as a woman, and use she/her pronouns. I tell you this because I think it’s important that I am writing this blog post, and not one of our trans employees. It’s imperative to not place all the burden of DEI work onto the marginalized people themselves. It should not be up to trans people to educate cis people, unless of course they want to! But we should never tokenize them or expect them to teach us.

I think it’s wonderful that we as a company, and society in general, have taken it upon ourselves to create a more inclusive place for people of all genders to feel respected and appreciated. Including pronouns in your signature/Zoom name/Slack bio, etc. is a great starting point in this journey.

FAQ’s

What to do when you mess up someone’s pronouns? If you say the wrong pronoun, simply offer an apology and correct yourself, and move on with the conversation.

“Bob said his -oops, sorry- their favorite food is pizza.” “Bob and I are going out to lunch today to his favorite restaurant. We’ll be back at 2pm… Oh my mistake, their favorite restaurant.” It’s important to not make the slip-up about YOU. When you over-apologize, it can cause the other person to end up comforting you and make you the center of the conversation.

This is how you wouldn’t want the conversation to go: “Bob said his favorite restaurant is — Ohh my goodness I am SO SORRY, I did NOT mean to mess up, I am so silly, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I NEED to get better at using people’s correct pronouns, do you forgive me??!!” This makes the conversation about you and your guilt, not about actually making Bob feel respected.

What do I do if I don’t know someone’s pronouns? A great way to learn someone’s pronouns is to share your own! You can say: “Hi, I’m Sarah, I use she/her pronouns.” Hopefully in sharing yours, the other person will feel safe to share theirs. You can always default to they/them/theirs if you don’t know the person’s pronouns. You should never require someone to share their pronouns. Some people may not feel comfortable or safe doing so.

I am finding it difficult to remember people’s pronouns, what should I do? That’s okay! It can take some getting used to, especially if you are new to thinking about gender and pronouns in a non-traditional way. It can help to practice! Practice using they/them pronouns in your head. Double check your emails before sending them to make sure you used the right pronouns for all people referenced. You can also default to using the person’s name only, which can help your brain disassociate the incorrect pronoun. Eventually, you’ll get used to it! It’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you are learning and making the effort to be correct next time.

How should I add my pronouns to my email signature? You have several options! Please see examples below:

Danielle Lastname (she/her/hers)

Sales Coordinator Company LLC

Thomas Lastname

Marketing Director

Pronouns: they/them

Bob Lastname he/him

CFO of Company LLC

If you ever have any questions about gender or pronouns, my virtual door is always open for any respectful, well-intentioned conversations.

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